It was mugged.
Category: Puns
An officer stops a man for speeding and notices he’s not wearing his required prescription glasses.
Officer: “I have to give you a ticket for not wearing your glasses.”
Driver: “Officer, I have contacts.”
Officer: “I don’t care who you know, you’re still getting a ticket.”
What’s long, hard, and full of seamen?
A submarine.
Why did the soldier blow himself up?
He wanted to C4 himself.